It wasn’t just in my weightlifting, but in the beginnings of my military training, playing soccer, and initially my career as a CrossFit coach, too. I would look to others and wish I had the fortitude they did: the grit, the toughness, the resilience. In my eyes, I was weak.
 
The proof was there, too. I frequently bailed from training sessions before they were finished, and sometimes before they started. I rarely gave my all. I missed lifts I was physically capable of lifting and, honestly, I was afraid of intensity.
 
It’s not a story unique to me, though. Many athletes struggle with this. Maybe you can recall feeling like this, too. What can’t be ignored is just how much we sacrifice by avoiding the development of mental toughness.
 
Reading the rest of this piece requires you to do one thing first and foremost: be honest with yourself by understanding that you have room to improve in this area. Additionally, know this: your mental fortitude is a trainable skill. Just because you can’t add fractional plates to quantify progress doesn’t mean it’s any less trainable. Train your mental fortitude and you will become a better athlete. You will PR more often. You will progress towards becoming the best version of you.
 
To do this, you must learn to suffer skillfully. As Nietzsche said, “In man creature and creator are united: in man there is material, fragment, excess, clay, dirt, nonsense, chaos; but there is also the creator, the sculptor, the hardness of the hammer, the divinity of the spectator, and the seventh day – do you understand this contrast? The body must be fashioned, bruised, forged, stretched, roasted, and refined – it is meant to suffer.”
 
Four Things You Must Understand to Become Mentally Tougher
 
1. Suffering is Inevitable
 
Life is suffering. In one form or another, you will suffer from now until the day you pass away. Yes, this is a fairly heavy statement for an article about becoming a better athlete. Knowing this, though, is the core concept in developing mental toughness. As fatalistic as ‘life is suffering’ sounds, you do have a choice in how much you suffer.
 
When we aren’t mentally tough, we prioritize our first-order consequences. Those who are mentally tough are willing to prioritize their second-order consequences. First-order consequences are the immediate ramifications of our actions and are often fueled by our primal desires. For example, our need for conserving energy can keep us at home and away from the gym (positive first-order consequence). This ends up with us never making progress towards the best version of ourselves (negative second-order consequences). Second order consequences are simply those results which are not the immediate result of our action, but will surely happen as a later consequence.
 
To make progress towards that best version, we must frequently remind ourselves of our ideal end goal and the positive second-order consequences. To use that example again, when we get our ass off the couch and get to the gym, we accept the temporary discomfort in favor of a better future. By suffering slightly in the short term, we avoid catastrophic suffering in the long term. Or, as Polish weightlifter turned poet & philosopher Jerzy Gregorek has stated far more eloquently, “Easy choices, hard life. Hard choices, easy life.”
 
2. Suffering is Relative
 
We don’t need to be reminded again of the age-old “well so-and-so encountered untold hardship and look how well she coped with it so in comparison you should just get on with it” stories. Those kinds of stories, inspiring though they are, have been told enough times already. Plus, if listening to them made you mentally tougher, you’d be tougher already.
 
What we do need to realize, though, is that when you experience a further level of discomfort, it pushes along your reference point of what suffering truly is. It means your everyday challenges appear smaller. Trust me; when you’ve slept 10-15 hours over the past two weeks and you’re required to run 30 miles carrying 20kg of kit over bogs, rocks, and rough ground, then your willingness to dig out an extra 5 percent in a training session down the road will increase.
 
It’s common to think that this is because the tasks seem easier, but the truth is much more profound than this. The truth is you realize that you - yes, YOU - are much stronger than you ever deemed possible. So challenge yourself to discover your inner strength which lies waiting for you.
 
3. Suffering is Essential for Growth
 
A huge byproduct of a lack of mental toughness is stagnation of progress. But why does this happen? Take a look at the diagram below.
 
*See PDF to view diagram
 
Part of the equation of progress is mastering the central circle which represents the self. (That’s a topic for another day.) The next piece is expanding the second circle, which represents that which you have put into order, or the known. When the second circle expands, it goes into the realm of chaos, or the unknown, we move forward in life. In short, we turn chaos into order and reap the rewards.
 
A really good example of this is learning how to snatch. Look at a beginner considering bar path, position, footwork, and the other complexities. At the initial stage of learning, the snatch is essentially unknown. As they progress through the stages, they take the unknown and make it known. The only way to snatch better is to encounter more of the chaotic world of what you do not know.
 
What we must do as a whole is accept the burden of heading into the world of chaos because it holds everything we seek: growth, satisfaction, happiness, strength, resilience, success… it all lies on the other side of the known.
 
Without mental toughness, we learn to reside in the known because we overemphasize the size of threat associated with the unknown. We see the threat on a physical and mental level without seeing the opportunity inherent within that threat. It’s like the dragon, Smaug, from The Hobbit. Yes, he breathes fire. Yes, he has giant teeth and claws, and he is the most terrible thing to ever inhabit The Lonely Mountain, but he sits atop a pile of gold. Athletic mastery and mental toughness are the treasures which await you when you choose to do battle with the unknown.
 
As Helen Keller said, “Character cannot be developed in ease and quiet. Only through experience of trial and suffering can the soul be strengthened, ambition inspired, and success achieved.”
 
4. Suffering Should be Rewarded
 
At the end of each day, my athletes perform an AMWAP - As Many Wins As Possible. It’s a chance to recount everything they did, no matter how small, which either made them feel good or moved the needle forwards to becoming who they want to be. From my AMWAP yesterday, I have included:
 
- Eating four good meals in line with macros
- Seeing my coach about my shoulder injury
- Drinking 3.5 liters of water
- Doing my journaling practice
- Doing mobility work during a meeting
- Ensuring I trained despite being rushed for time
 
You’ll notice this isn’t a gratitude journal, nor does it focus exclusively on the big wins. What it does do is prove that you’re doing the right things on a regular basis. When an athlete comes to me seeking an improvement in mental toughness, I ensure they are recalling every time they show grit and resilience throughout the day, no matter how small.
 
Just like you’re not going to PR your snatch every day, you’re not going to have massive signs of improvement in mental toughness every day, either. But you will do small things, like turn up to the gym, put your phone down when you train, hydrate properly, face up to the fact you’re injured, etc., all things you would usually ignore. Recognizing your existing acts of fortitude is building up a case of proof that you can be mentally tough. Once you see the proof, you are far more likely to act in that way in the future.

As an added benefit, this practice teaches you to look for the positive in every situation.
 
By practicing these four principles, your mental toughness will improve. Don’t expect perfection, as we’re talking about changing decades’ worth of neural structures here, but do expect progress. And after all, perfection is a myth, but progress is gold.